Taylor Swift "Out of the Woods" & cancer

Friday, October 24, 2014

In my very first blog entry, I wrote that I had been reminded that while A was in remission, we aren't "out of the woods."  I still find myself trying to google for statistics, anything to convince myself that the most recent remission milestone means everything is really okay now.  I know the reality of a cancer diagnosis and undergoing chemotherapy is that you never really like you are out the woods.

I don't know if that's the weight that always feels like it's buried somewhere, ready to burst loose at the most inopportune moments.

Throughout most of my twenties, I related to Taylor Swift lyrics.  I still remember driving to my boyfriend's at night in college with the windows down, the first time I ever heard "Our Song."  Her album Red came out a few weeks after A was diagnosed and I took a break to drive to Target to buy it on opening day, hoping that there would be something relatable.  I didn't really find what I wanted.  I was sitting there in the hospital wanting her message about young love overcoming all odds, but all she had to offer was anger and disillusionment.

I have no idea what her new album, 1989 will offer, but "Out of the Woods," which she performed on Jimmy Kimmel tonight, hit a bit closer to home.  It made me realize that maybe this whole gripping uncertainty thing was more universal than I realized.  How many times have I been there in a hospital room when the sun came up looking at A?  Or at night watching him sleep?  And how many times has that darker uncertainty given us those moments where we moved the table to dance in the living room?  Or the IV pole to dance in the hospital?

Are in the clear yet?  Good.

Here's the video of her performance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVAfR3QjFKo.

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